Lately there has been a lot of coverage on the news about bullying. Many questions are raised as to what to do about it, and how to manage it. I suspect in our culture we will eventually pass laws outlawing bullying (probably already have) but this will I think I the end do little stop the day to day bullying offenses that make up such a large portion of our collective human experience.
Let consider the facts about bullying, for I think the phenomenon is neither very complex nor difficult to understand. Essentially it involves one person picking on another person. This could be physical or emotional, but certainly both forms can be equally damaging.
What troubles me most though is the fact that very often the thing that is needed most AKA outside intervention is the thing that happens only rarely. Sometimes a kid will go and get a teacher, or sometimes others will help. But both of these things happen far less often than they should.
What is often the case is that everyone stands around feeling uncomfortable while someone else gets picked on. Maybe they don’t join in, but they are complicent in the act.
There is a video on the net about a “fat kid” being picked on, and finally the kid getting bullied defends himself and picks up the bully kid and body slams him to the ground. Most comments applaud the big kid, but I think it’s horrific. Clearly there were other kids around--you see them passing by. Someone is filming it for heaven’s sake! Why did no one step in?
In another video, a mother is encouraging her son to beat up another boy, while they are viciously attacking one another. It is broad daylight on a public street. Again the camera is rolling, and people are just standing around. Finally someone does step in, and calls in to question to the fight and it breaks up.
But this is far from the norm.
Psychology has a term for this, and I think its quite provocative. Its called diffusion of responsibility. In diffusion of responsibility essentially everyone else thinks everyone else should do something, but no one does anything. The responsibility is divided by the number of people in the crowd, and each person owns only a little of it. Therefore my conscience is only pricked a little because I can defend myself by saying, “Well they were there too.”
This however is not what God has called us to do or be. We are called to be like Christ, and He is a God who defends the rights of the oppressed (Psalm 82:3, Prov 23:11, Isaiah 1:17) to name just a few.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” We are called to be unified in our walk through this life, and to help one another in times of need even if it involves a bullying situation.
I will end with a situation of my own where I was honestly quite cowardly in my actions. It was my freshman year in high school, and I was friends with a guy who was somewhat less than popular. We were walking to the bus after school, and a group of other kids whom we both knew confronted us. For no reason other than to amuse themselves, they began to target my friend for abuse. Knocking his books down, calling him names and picking on him. I told my friend we should just leave, but we couldn’t get away. Not only that, if I am truly honest, I did not want to get on the bad side of those kids either.
I am ashamed of how I acted, or more rightly, failed to act. They were popular, and I cared what they thought. My fear of what other people would think, or how I might be treated trumped my willingness to do what was right and show love to my friend by defending him-even if it meant potential harm to me physically or relationally.
Looking back I would be glad to have gotten a black eye for my friend
The happy ending comes though when my older brother materialized out of the blue, and asked what was going on. He immediately confronted the bullies and without a moments hesitation faced off with them. He told them if they did any thing to my friend, they were going to have to deal with him and they backed down. The look in my friend’s eyes was one of complete gratitude.
Two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
