The first real meat we'll dive into is the whole concept of power in a marriage.
Now this may seem somewhat ironic, or perhaps laughably absent in some of your marriages.
You feel powerless.
You can't even be allowed the simple and beautiful act of putting on a new role of toilet paper without getting chewed out.
Or go to see a movie of substance and quality where people talk about real issues and not blowing things up without igniting (no pun intended) a major protest.
On the other hand, you may be the one who for whatever reason does have the power AKA control in the relationship--though to be honest I think most people would resist being thought of this way.
Rather than being powerful though, you feel like you are the one's who are responsible.
You are the one's charged with making sure bills are paid, the toilet paper put on correctly, and the entertainment culturally acceptable.
In the end, it is easy to see how power struggles ( no matter which side of the fence your on) can be a major issue in marriages.
But why do they occur?
What does this problem say about our understanding of God and the core beliefs we possess about others in relationship to ourselves.
In order to answer that question, we have to ask ourselves, what it is we want.
Maybe you can list of a whole host of things--security, respect, money, affection, peace and quiet, alone time, good financial management, peanut butter sandwiches...and on and on.
Now none of these things are necessarily wrong in and of themselves, but when you are willing to sin--ie do what is wrong in order to get them, then we have a problem.
Those things have become so important that you are driven to attempt to orchestrate, manipulate, authoritate or "whatevertate" to get them.
In order to do that you need power over other people and situations.
That pursuit of power becomes a subtle obsession, because you find yourself getting angry, fearful, anxious or irritated when things are not going the way you think they ought to or you want them to.
Even things that on the outside may seem good.
Take for example finances. What couple hasn't had some tense conversations over that subject, especially in difficult a recession?
So lets say one spouse is concerned with how the other spouse is spending their hard earned money.
It could be what groceries are bought, what cable channels are chosen, or what kind of car you drive, where you live or any of a hundred different things.
In the end there is disagreement about how things should go, and the impediment to compromise, or acceptance of the other's desires is prevented by a conviction that you are right, and in being right have the prerogative to flex your muscles power-wise.
Power is essentially equivalent to freedom in that freedom is really the ability AKA power to do what I want irregardless of anyone else.
Could be that because we place such a high value on personal freedom, that we have begun to think we always ought to have things our way?
Whatever factors may exist, it is this enthronement of self that keeps us from being able to truly love others as we should and be in right relationship with them and with God.
Philippians 2:3-4, says that we should consider others better than ourselves and look not only to our own interests, but also the interests of others.
Mark 10:45 reminds us that the Son of Man (Christ) came not to be served, but to serve, and give his life as a ransom for many.
Power then is something that ultimately belongs in the hands of God, for only he is loving and wise enough to control things in a way that best benefits all involved.
We must then submit ourselves to the sovereignty of God, and do things according to his Word.
In marriage and any other relationship I am in, this means that when I do not get what I want I still handle things in a loving and humble fashion that seeks the best good of the other.
To do this we must give up our perceived rights and follow Christ's example of loving in a way that serves.
It is this crossroad of power and serving love that reveals an opportunity for the direction of our marriages.
Which way we choose to go can make all the difference in the outcome.
Now this may seem somewhat ironic, or perhaps laughably absent in some of your marriages.
You feel powerless.
You can't even be allowed the simple and beautiful act of putting on a new role of toilet paper without getting chewed out.
Or go to see a movie of substance and quality where people talk about real issues and not blowing things up without igniting (no pun intended) a major protest.
On the other hand, you may be the one who for whatever reason does have the power AKA control in the relationship--though to be honest I think most people would resist being thought of this way.
Rather than being powerful though, you feel like you are the one's who are responsible.
You are the one's charged with making sure bills are paid, the toilet paper put on correctly, and the entertainment culturally acceptable.
In the end, it is easy to see how power struggles ( no matter which side of the fence your on) can be a major issue in marriages.
But why do they occur?
What does this problem say about our understanding of God and the core beliefs we possess about others in relationship to ourselves.
In order to answer that question, we have to ask ourselves, what it is we want.
Maybe you can list of a whole host of things--security, respect, money, affection, peace and quiet, alone time, good financial management, peanut butter sandwiches...and on and on.
Now none of these things are necessarily wrong in and of themselves, but when you are willing to sin--ie do what is wrong in order to get them, then we have a problem.
Those things have become so important that you are driven to attempt to orchestrate, manipulate, authoritate or "whatevertate" to get them.
In order to do that you need power over other people and situations.
That pursuit of power becomes a subtle obsession, because you find yourself getting angry, fearful, anxious or irritated when things are not going the way you think they ought to or you want them to.
Even things that on the outside may seem good.
Take for example finances. What couple hasn't had some tense conversations over that subject, especially in difficult a recession?
So lets say one spouse is concerned with how the other spouse is spending their hard earned money.
It could be what groceries are bought, what cable channels are chosen, or what kind of car you drive, where you live or any of a hundred different things.
In the end there is disagreement about how things should go, and the impediment to compromise, or acceptance of the other's desires is prevented by a conviction that you are right, and in being right have the prerogative to flex your muscles power-wise.
Power is essentially equivalent to freedom in that freedom is really the ability AKA power to do what I want irregardless of anyone else.
Could be that because we place such a high value on personal freedom, that we have begun to think we always ought to have things our way?
Whatever factors may exist, it is this enthronement of self that keeps us from being able to truly love others as we should and be in right relationship with them and with God.
Philippians 2:3-4, says that we should consider others better than ourselves and look not only to our own interests, but also the interests of others.
Mark 10:45 reminds us that the Son of Man (Christ) came not to be served, but to serve, and give his life as a ransom for many.
Power then is something that ultimately belongs in the hands of God, for only he is loving and wise enough to control things in a way that best benefits all involved.
We must then submit ourselves to the sovereignty of God, and do things according to his Word.
In marriage and any other relationship I am in, this means that when I do not get what I want I still handle things in a loving and humble fashion that seeks the best good of the other.
To do this we must give up our perceived rights and follow Christ's example of loving in a way that serves.
It is this crossroad of power and serving love that reveals an opportunity for the direction of our marriages.
Which way we choose to go can make all the difference in the outcome.
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