Men and Women's views of leadership

As an adjunct topic with relation to power struggles in marriage, I think it is also good to examine the nature of leadership in the home.
When it comes to this subject, I believe men and women may have drastically different perceptions about what that means.

I have spent my nearly my whole life in the sphere of evangelical Christendom, and years have seen the message communicated either explicitly or implicitly that leadership on the part of the man is roughly equivalent to power.

In a one sentence summary:  a man is to rule.

He is the king of his castle and while he is not a dictator per se, he is to be obeyed and submitted to.  Certainly he has an obligation to rule well, and be a godly man, but this seems often to take a back seat to being in charge.

Now while there certainly is biblical support for the man being the final authority in his home--see Eph 5, I believe there is little to no support for him being the intractable dictator he often becomes.

This I believe is more or less a culturally informed belief that stems from gasp choke a somewhat chauvinistic interpretation of scripture.

Now before you run off thinking I have given up to the feminazis, let me explain.

In modern Christendom, we have a tendency react against culture in a way that at times causes us to rebound in the opposite and often equally destructive extreme.

So when culture in the 60’s talked about equality and stature for females, we reacted by asserting the authority of men and the subservience of women.

What comes to mind is the 50’s Stepford wives with beehive hair and readily available plates of cookies.

But is that what God has really called the family structure to look like? 

One of the cornerstone passages on family relations Ephesians 5, verses 22-24 call wives to be in submission to husbands.  Okay score one for the strong men.

But the following nine verses communicate how husbands are to love their wives in a sacrificial way that imitates Christ himself.  In fact this admonishment is three times longer than the same section for the ladies!

What are the implications of this?

Basically men often read the first three verses about women submitting and stop there.  They go on to define love for their wives and leadership of their families as putting a roof over their heads and food on the table.  In fact some go so far as to think, that in being compared to Christ and His role over the Church that they are gods!

Now this may seem a bit of an exaggeration, but I have heard over and over from men that they work 40, 50, 60 hours a week to provide for their families, and then end up with wives who have no appreciation for them.

In fact, all they get are nagging women who want more, more, more!

But then I talk to the wives and I hear a different story.

I hear a story about men who when they come home, want their wives to drop everything and attend to their needs.  I hear about men who tune out the family to watch football, because after a long day of hard work, they say they deserve it. 

I hear about men who want sex, but don’t want to engage their wives emotionally.

Now if you’re a guy and your sitting there thinking, “Yeah, so?”  Then clearly there is a problem.

Ephesians 5:25-33 does not merely talk about a man’s role as a leader in the home, it redefines it as one of service.

Mark 10:45 confirms this, in that even Christ who came from a place of unimaginable glory in heaven humbled himself and died and inglorious death as a ransom for many.

If men are to be like Christ to their wives then they must understand that rather than being alpha male gorillas who command their family with a silverback’s zeal, what wives really desire and need is a man who truly cares about the welfare of his family. 

A man who does not take them for granted, or view the provision of food and shelter as the end all be all of husband and fatherhood. 

A man who loves his family not only enough to die physically for them, but to die figuratively when it comes to valuing them over such vile temptresses as Monday night football.

A man who is strong enough to share his struggles and vulnerabilities, and continue to seek to be like Christ even when he feels like a failure.

These are not traditional definitions of manhood, but reflect the tender and honest sensitivity that is the hallmark of true strength and godliness.